In a burst of heat exhausted delirium I stumbled into an insanely fancy Italian salon in Pisa and had a beautiful hipster hairdresser cut off all my hair. I look like I’m in the military now.

In the same delirious state I bought a long-sleeved shirt.

A wheel of brie can be had for under two dollars at the grocery store which led to the question: How much brie can I eat before I’m sick of it? Turns out there is no limit.

French toilets at campgrounds have no seats. They also don’t have toilet paper.

I had carbonara for dinner in Venice. I wouldn’t call it crying, but it may have looked like I had something in both my eyes.

There’s a kid next to me who hasn’t left the campground in two days. He just hangs out in his hammock and reads magazines all day and sleeps. I would follow up with him, but he’s creeping me out.

I climbed down the rocks under the massive Citadel in Calvi and spent a quiet afternoon away from the EDM beach parties and topless French girls. Then a couple of topless French girls showed up and starting playing EDM on their phone. I didn’t mind.

I saw a fight break out at Club Eden between two ripped French dudes. I swear they were slapping and after the bouncers broke it up, they hugged.

I also saw a girl knock her boyfriend right the fuck down after he put her in a headlock. My campground neighbor Marco just shrugged and said. “The French are a passionate people.”

A conversation with a drunk French girl at my campground: “You speak English?” she asks. “Yes” “Tallahassee. That’s all I know.” Then she walks off.

When you’re being yelled at by an Italian train conductor, try to deflect his anger by using a stranger’s baby. It’s worked for me so far.

My campground in Venice has an onsite disco.

“Where was your grandmother from?”
“Oh Sicily. They are all robbers and thieves down there.”

While waiting outside for a train in nowhere Corsica, I found a mulberry tree and nearly ate myself sick, but not sick enough to end up on the injury report.

Travel Tip: Always check your bags before you get to the airport. You never know what you’re going to find!

Gear Report: Nearly forgot my shoes on a train. As it pulled away, a kindly French guy threw them at me. I’m almost sure he didn’t mean to throw them at my head.

Injury Report: Strapping together my split toe with backpacking repair tape seemed to work. Now I can walk, but am still hobbling because 40+/100+ degree heat has caused chafing in a very delicate place. This also led to a awkward conversation with a French pharmacist which at one point had me pointing at my crotch and saying in my terrible broken Franglish that I had sunburn there. She gave me baby powder. It didn’t work.

I also jumped into a pool that was way too shallow. My left knee hurts.